Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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