Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want her autograph on my taint
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
