You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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