I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
