ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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