just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
