why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
