i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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