Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
