No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
