ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
