I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
