You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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