SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
vagina is talking i cant
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
