Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
