Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
