hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
