He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
