I'm jealous of your bromance
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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