i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
