Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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