even my farts smell like vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
