i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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