i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
