So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I did not marry a roomba.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize