i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize