I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
