what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
3 2 1 whiskey
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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