she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
