Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
