Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
