Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
