happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
