...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
