if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have aggressive nipples.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
