Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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