I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
