i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
