Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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