Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
