i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My life is pants optional.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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