There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
