There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
