she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
