T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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