Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
