My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
