omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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