my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
