Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
