On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize