that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
