Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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