Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
