I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
