Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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