So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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