The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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