I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
