1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize