Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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