By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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