Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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