Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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