Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
