If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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