Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
