He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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