What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
