I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
