just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I love having hate sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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