She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
