Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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