Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
