Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
