Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
