I wish I only lived at night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
